How does the jealousy occurs and what feelings are behind it?

Jealousy is a deep feeling, very rooted, and difficult to change. Many times people imagine they are jealous because they are in love, but they actually fall in love because they need a person to stand beside them so they do not feel alone.

In the opinion of the psychologists, the jealousy of our partner often makes us think that we are loved, but in this context it is confused with love, and the much-desired love turns into a battle without winners.

Why is jealousy ocurring?

Jealousy simply comes from the fear of the person that he has no value on his own.

The more the person is able to find the necessary protection itself and the lower the self-confidence, the more insecurity, the fear of abandonment, and hence the jealousy, characterized by the strong need to keep the partner as close as possible, to protect their own portion of affection.

Thus the traditional relationship oscillates between affection and domination, which are, unfortunately, two incompatible poles for building a real relationship.

'In other words, jealousy is apparently very much like love, but it is actually an evil step-brother with diametrically opposed features,'  explain the psychologists.

What radical feelings hide jealousy?

The feeling of jealousy indicates a type of relationship in which possession prevails at the expense of affection, and power at the expense of love.

This feeling conceals in it an entire behavior, a whole strategy in which love interferes with:

l  Fear - 'If you are not near me, I do not feel protected'

l  Morale - 'Your duty is to take care of me/house/family'

l  The blackmail - 'I will die or I will commit suicide if...'

l  Threat - 'If you're not what I want, you'll see/you'll pay...'

l  Culpability - 'If you love someone else, it means you do not love me!'

l  Anger/Fury - 'If I'm upset and nervous, you should be scared and be silent'

l  Taking 'hostages' - children are usually caught in the middle this case

l  Ideology - 'Because we love each other, we have to do everything together'

l  Authority - 'You are not allowed to do/have something without me'

l  Suffering - 'I can not sleep/eat/work because of the you'

l  Disease - Anxiety, depression, panic attacks, 'stigmatization' are common in this case

l  Force/Aggression - the partner is held in a state of fear through verbal and/or physical violence. Also, immobilization, doors locked, ban on access to the car, money ban, telephone or any other means of contacting the outside are common.

l  Crime - 'If you can not belong to me, you have no reason to live'

The word fidelity comes from the Greek fides, which means trust. Like everything in this world, fidelity has two aspects:

l  the positive – the mutual trust

l  the negative – perverted aspect, in which fidelity becomes synonymous with abstinence, repression, limitation, and detention.

When only the negative aspect is accentuated, the life as a couple becomes a prison, a place of repression, and the life partner turns into an enemy.

Many people suffer from loneliness only because of the limitations of the education received, the conditioning caused by some life concepts taken over, because in this case the words 'I love you!' deviate from their pure and wonderful meaning and become only fears and 'prison cells' for the other.

Love versus jealousy

We often hear expressions such as 'I'm afraid you do not love me', "You should only love me!', 'I love you if you love me too', 'If you love me, you'll offer you the Moon', 'I'd love you if you'd be perfect', and so on.

When 'I love you' actually means 'I love you the way I am and I love you as you are', we can really talk of love, because fidelity to the other begins with fidelity to yourself, because your peace is truly assured only when you can satisfy your aspirations and then it is great to want and share this with your partner.

When you succeed in accepting and loving yourself as you are, only then you can do it with your partner and you will find that jealousy will become a useless feeling. When you appreciate yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, you are sensitive to everything that surrounds you, then you can really love life and people, and only then you can really build a relationship with a person in the same state of mind and soul as you.

Such love is very rarely known as despondency and despair, as long as each member of the couple care for it growth, but each one remains himself, concludes the psychologists.

How to get rid of jealousy?

Other point of view some specialists have is that jealousy in a relationship is like salt in food. A little bit of it will give you a flavor, but too much can end up losing pleasure.

The jealousy in a relationship is like a reward for the first days of sincere love but later will become a major problem for both partners. Some fail to overcome this moment and decide to end the relationship.

Here is how you can get rid of jealousy

Always be positive

Jealousy usually comes packed with some unpleasant experiences from that person's past, which has affected his power to trust in any other partner.

If you went through an unpleasant experience, you had a partner who cheated or lied to you, then jealousy will definitely manifest in your future relationships.

It will not harm the current or future relationship as long as it does not go beyond normal. Trust your partner but do not really believe everything he says.

Trust in your own person

It is noticeable that many people who want to learn how to get rid of jealousy are actually victims of a lack of confidence in their own forces, of being depressed and unable to overcome their habits.

It is very important to identify the reason that caused this lack of confidence in you and to try to overcome this obstacle.

Talk about this issue

If you want to learn how to beat this bad feeling, the first thing you have to do is discuss this with your partner.

Jealousy will begin to grab your relationship if you do not stop it in the shortest time.

Before drawing conclusions, remember that reality is much more enjoyable than you see through the eyes of jealousy. Tell your partner what you feel, what bothers you, what your suspicions are and you can solve these problems together.

Analyze the situation

Many reasons that lead to jealousy are superficial, being that kind of things you saw but you did not understand.

If your partner gets late, does not answer the phone every night, forget the little things, or your partner makes gestures that seem strange, it's best to ignore these incidents.

Do not let them interfere with you and destroy the love that is between you.

You should analyze the situation and react in accordance, not in an exaggerated manner.

Give your partner somer space

Remember that your partner also has his own world.

You are right when you think that you should take the first place in the top of your partner's preferences but there are things that may seem equally important in your partner's eyes.

The best relationship is between two different people. Make sure you do not burden your partner with all your problems and concerns.

Give some space to your partner, and let your partner go out, relax with friends, or even when home, let your partner do things that he/she enjoys.

Trust and honesty

Trust and honesty are two of the most important components of a healthy relationship.

The lack of one of them can lead to jealousy, and, in time this jealousy can transfrom into an extreme one.

Try to find out what was behind the jealousy and, after discussing your problem with your partner, try to have full confidence in your partner.

People who are making efforts to learn how to stop jealousy know, in fact, what the solutions to this problem are. They do not trust their own powers and can't ignore these feelings.

Try to get over those unimportant little things that affect your relationship and you will notice it deserves this little effort!